I Thought I Could Save My Relationship by Loving Him More - But I Needed to Start with Myself.

In my mid-30s, I was desperate. 

My relationship felt like it was slipping through my fingers, and I thought I could fix it if I just tried harder.

I told myself:

If I loved him more, he’d finally love me the way I wanted.

If I were more understanding, he’d finally see how much I cared.

If I demanded less, he’d appreciate me more.

But the harder I tried, the more I lost myself. I didn’t notice it at first - it took years - but I became someone I didn’t even recognise. I wasn’t the vibrant, confident woman I used to be. I was drained, exhausted, and completely disconnected from me.

One day, I hit a point where I knew I couldn’t keep living like that. I had spent so much time trying to save the relationship that I forgot about the most important one: my relationship with myself.

So, I made one of the hardest decision of my life: I walked away.

I took time off from dating. I didn’t want to go out, meet anyone, or even think about men. My focus shifted entirely inward. 

I decided to find myself again.

This became my journey:

Gratitude taught me to appreciate the little things I had overlooked - the beauty of the present moment, my own resilience, and the lessons my struggles had taught me. Most of all, it taught me to be thankful for myself.

Acceptance helped me let go of the need to control others or seek their approval. I embraced myself - flaws, scars, and all - and started to love the woman I saw in the mirror again.

Perspective gave me clarity. I stepped back, examined what I truly wanted, and understood the patterns that had held me back for so long.

Over time, I rebuilt my confidence, filled my own cup, and rediscovered my happiness.

It’s been almost ten years since I began that journey, and today, I’m in a loving, fulfilling relationship with a deep connection - not because I needed someone else to complete me, but because I learned to love myself first.

This experience taught me one profound truth: You can’t fix anyone else, but you can transform your relationship by starting with you.

You have the power to rediscover your happiness and create the life and relationship you deserve.

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